i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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