Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
