she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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