Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
