how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
