I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
