we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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