I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
