so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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