I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
