I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
