Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
