Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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