so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
