mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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