Kiss
Puke
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
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