So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
