Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
