He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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