I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Randomize
