Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
