Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
