Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
