I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
