Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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