He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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