My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Randomize
