So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
