My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
