just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize