Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
