u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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