you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
