He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
