in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
