Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
