I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I've blown a few things in my day
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
