i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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