Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
