when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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