I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
