please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
home. puking in laundry basket.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
