the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
