worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
