The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
