So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
