Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
