I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
