im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
