The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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