Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize