tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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