$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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