i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
