I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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