It's a beautiful day for a hangover
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
