my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
We are all done wearing pants today
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
dude. I can hear the air.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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