Midget sex pt 2 tonight
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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