My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Randomize
