When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
