I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
