2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
