i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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