My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
