He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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