4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
