don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
