yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
