we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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