i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
