I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize