i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
