He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I cockslap morals
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
