Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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