Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
