Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Randomize
