Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm always down for nudity.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
