I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
