I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize