I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
