If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Life is so much better after having sex.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize