My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
