Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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