dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i just had sex bonerless
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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