I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
