Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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