In the future we'll all be gay
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
