My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
