there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Houston, we have a squirter
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
