you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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