dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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