Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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