I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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