Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
