I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
