I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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