I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
